Missing L.E.S.

Today started out fairly well. Set my alarm so I could be up in time for the 4x400m relays. Saw that. Then ate and did some work. Yeah, did some work. Took a "break" to play some games and work was basically finished for the day after that. Dozed a bit, then ate some more, then watched tv. I should mention that I also roasted breadfruit for the 1st time since I've been here.

Somehow I decided I wanted to watch a Lifetime movie. It was about this girl who grew up almost homeless but overcame the odds to go to Harvard. And I think that may've been the straw that broke the camel's back.

For weeks now I've been seeing, hearing, getting constant reminders of Grandma. I've done a good job of not letting it get me down or sad. I tried not to dwell on them. I'd see an old(er) lady who reminded me of her. I'd remember her cooking and how I seriously regret not having her teach me. I'd look at my clothes and remember comments she would make. I'd watch TV and almost hear her "Cockroach" or "My garky" or see the reactions she would've had. And today all the weeks of being strong culminated into a night when I could hold it no more. The movie I was watching had one scene where a girl lost her mom (it got better after), but seeing that reminded me of being by Grandma's graveside. So the straw did the breaking. I called home and spoke to my aunt in tears and almost hysteria. It helped. I was calm(er) at the end of the convo. But I still needed a cheerer-upper so I called my good friend BC; spoke to him and wifey-to-be and that helped a lot. Thanks guys.

So here I am ending the day writing this post with red eyes. I still very much miss Miss Lola. I'm happy I have friends who can cheer me up on short notice, but I must admit that it's times like these that I miss having a best friend, that person who I'd call in the middle of the night (like now) without feeling guilty, etc. I know I aint supposed to have one right now 'cuz God doesn't make mistakes and I know I can deal with it with what He has given me. So for now I am grateful for that and will tap into the resources I do have. "

Love you Grandma...more than I showed.